Navigating the Early Stages of Dating: Three Tips for Finding Real Connection

Jun 06, 2024By Mary Guscott
Mary Guscott

If you're diving into the world of dating, especially if you're seeking a meaningful relationship, you're probably experiencing a whirlwind of emotions. I get it, and have definitely been there! The excitement, the uncertainty, the fear, the emotional high, the frustration that comes with putting yourself out there, all of it. So, let's talk about what to focus on in those early stages of dating, shall we?

1. Keep it Low Stakes

Ah, the pressure of those first few dates! It's easy to get caught up in the "What if this is 'The One?'" mindset. But here's the thing: you don't need to know if you want to marry this person within the first three dates, or even the first ten. Trust and real connection take time to build. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that it's okay to simply enjoy getting to know someone without placing unrealistic expectations on the outcome. Give yourself permission to take it slow and see how things naturally progress.

2. What Does Friendship Look Like?

Picture this: it's the absolute worst day of your life, everything is going wrong and you need HELP! Is this person someone you want by your side? Now flip that, imagine it's the absolute best day of your life, you got a big promotion/won an award/got an offer accepted on your dream home...Is this person the one you'd want to call to tell all about it?

When considering a potential partner, think beyond just romance (don't get me wrong, of course romance is important too). Do you genuinely enjoy spending time with this person? Can you be yourself around them? Are they someone you'd want to call when the sun is shining and when the storms hit as well? Remember, a strong foundation of friendship is often the cornerstone of a lasting, fulfilling relationship. So, pay attention to how you connect on a deeper, more platonic level. If you wouldn't want to be long term friends with them, you're probably not going to want to be in a long term romantic relationship with them either. 

3. Let Go of Your Imaginary Ideal

It's time for some real talk. We've all been guilty of crafting a mental image of our perfect partner – the one who ticks all the boxes and fits neatly into our preconceived notions. But here's the kicker: love doesn't always come packaged the way we expect. Take it from someone who almost missed out on something really wonderful because it didn't match the picture in her head.

When I met my husband, there was something about him that made me feel so safe and cherished. My husband is a good looking guy, but he didn't look anything like guys I had dated in the past so I almost passed it off as not being attracted to him. That is, until I realized that he just simply didn't match the image I had in my head. I had to make an conscious choice to let go of the fantasy in my head to allow space for the real person in front of me. And let me tell you, I'm so glad I did!

So, whether you're swiping through profiles or sipping coffee across from someone new, remember these three tips: keep it low stakes, prioritize friendship, and let go of your imaginary ideal. And above all else, trust your instincts and enjoy the journey. Who knows? The person you're looking for might be closer than you think. And if you need some help navigating it all, let me know :)