When you’re stuck in people pleasing, it’s often like saying…

Mary Guscott
Nov 05, 2024By Mary Guscott

When you’re stuck in people pleasing, it’s often like saying…


“I'd rather lose myself than deal with the thought of losing you.” 
“I’m not sure who I am, so I’ll become who I think you want me to be.” 
“I’m scared of facing your rejection, so I’ll reject my own needs first.” 
“What you think of me feels more important than what I think of myself.” 
“I only feel good enough when I believe I have your approval.” 

Say this with me 📣

"Boundaries are not mean." 


"I will survive if I’m not liked."

I know it’s uncomfortable, but seriously, say them! You need to know this. 👏🏻

People-pleasing may seem like it keeps you safe and connected, but it creates a cycle of self-abandonment that leaves you feeling empty and insecure. Over time, suppressing your own needs and desires leads to resentment, anxiety, and a constant undercurrent of dissatisfaction. You end up navigating life on other people’s terms instead of your own, leading to a deep disconnect from who you really are. It’s exhausting! 🥱 

Boundaries are acts of self-respect – Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re selfish; it means you’re honoring your own needs and values. Think of yourself like a home 🏠: your energy and well-being are valuable, and boundaries are the front gate. They’re not barriers to keep people out but guidelines for how others can approach you respectfully. 



Setting boundaries keeps you steady, making sure you’re not drained so that you can continue to be there for the people who are important to you. A simple “no” or a clear line reminds both you and others that access to you is valuable. It’s a way of honoring your own needs so that what you give is genuine, not stretched thin.

Discomfort isn’t dangerous – It’s going to feel uncomfortable when breaking old people-pleasing patterns, especially if you fear others’ disapproval. But remember, discomfort isn’t dangerous‼️ Learning to tolerate it shows you that you can survive—and even thrive—without everyone’s approval. "I will survive if I’m not liked."

People-pleasing is a habit. The more you practice connecting with who you truly are, the more confidently you’ll show up for yourself and others.